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MARRIAGE
IN ISLAM
The
female has the right to accept or reject
marriage proposals. Her consent is a
prerequisite to the validity of the
marital contract, according to the
Prophet’s teaching. It follows that if
an “arranged marriage” means the
marrying of a female without her
consent, then such a marriage may be
annulled if the female so wishes:
Ibn
Abbas reported that a girl came to
the Messenger of Allah, and she
reported that her father had forced
her to marry without her consent.
The Messenger of God gave her the
choice...(between accepting the
marriage or invalidating it) (Ahmad,
Hadith no. 2469). another version of
the report states that “the girl
said: ‘Actually, I accept this
marriage, but I wanted to let women
know that parents have no right to
force a husband on them.’” (Ibn-Majah).
The
husband is responsible for the
maintenance, protection and overall
leadership (qiwamah) of the family,
within the framework of consultation and
kindness. The mutuality and
complementary of husband and wife does
not mean “subservience” by either
party to the other. Prophet Muhammad (P)
helped with household chores although
the responsibilities he bore and the
issues he faced in his community were
immense.
The
mothers shall give suck to their
offspring for two whole years, if
the father desires to complete the
term. But he shall bear the cost of
their food and clothing on equitable
terms. No soul shall have a burden
laid on it greater than it can bear.
No mother shall be treated unfairly
on account of her child, nor father
on account of his child. An heir
shall be chargeable in the same way.
If they both decide on weaning by
mutual consent. and after due
consultation, there is no blame on
them. If you decide on a
foster-mother for your offspring,
there is no blame on you, provided
you pay (the mother) what you
offered on equitable terms. But fear
Allah and know that Allah sees well
what you do. (Qur’an 2:233)
Prophet
Muhmmad (P) instructed Muslims regarding
women, “I commend you to be kind to
women.” He said also, “the best of
you is the best to his family (wife).”
The Qur’an urges husbands to be kind
and considerate to their wives, even if
a wife falls out of favor with her
husband or disinclination for her arises
within him. It also outlawed the
pre-Islamic Arabian practice whereby the
stepson of the deceased father was
allowed to take possession of his
fathers widow(s) (inherited them) as if
they were part of the estate of the
deceased:
O
you who believe! You are forbidden
to inherit women against their will.
Nor should you treat them with
harshness, that you may take away
part of the martial gift you have
given them, except when they have
been guilty of open lewdness; on the
contrary, live with them on a
footing of kindness and equity. If
you take a dislike to them, it may
be that you dislike a thing through
which Allah brings about a great
deal of good. (Qur’an 4:19)
Should
maritual disputes arise, the Quran
encourages couples to resolve them
privately in a spirit of fairness and
probity. Under no circumstances does the
Qur’an encourage, allow or condone
family violence of physical abuse. In
extreme cases, and whenever greater
harm, such as divorce, is a likely
option, it allows for a husband to
administer a gentle pat to his wife that
causes no physical harm to the body nor
leaves any sort of mark. It may serve,
in some cases, to bring to the wife’s
attention the seriousness of her
continued unreasonable behavior
(refraction, and may be resorted to only
after exhausting other steps discussed
in endnote. If the mild measure is not
likely to prevent a marriage from
collapsing, as last measure, it should
not be resorted to. Indeed the Qur’an
outlines an enlightened step and a wise
approach for the husband and wife to
resolve persistent conflict in their
marital life: In the event that dispute
cannot be resolved equitably between
husband and wife, the Qur’an
prescribes mediation between the parties
through family intervention on behalf of
both spouses.
Divorce
is a last resort, permissible but not
encouraged, for the Qur’an esteems the
preservation of faith and the
individuals right--male and female
alike--to felicity. Forms of marriage
dissolution include an enactment based
upon mutual agreement, the husband’s
initiative, the wife’s initiative (if
part of her marital contract), the court’s
decision on a wife’s initiative (for a
legitimate reason),and the wife’s
initiative without a “cause,”
provided that she returns her marital
gift to her husband (khul’, or
divestiture).
The
truth of the matter is that Islam has
the most humane and most just system of
divorce that exists. Firstly, many
options are taken and tried before
coming to the decision of the divorce.
If the man and woman decide that they
can no longer live together successfully
as a husband and wife, the husband (in
most cases, not always) pronounces the
divorce by saying “I divorce you.”
At this point the waiting period begins.
The waiting period lasts for three
menstrual cycles to assure the woman is
not pregnant. This period allows the
couple time to think about what they are
doing and if this is what they really
want to do. There are no lawyers
involved to antagonize an already
delicate situation.
In
the case that it is realized, that the
woman is pregnant, the waiting period
lasts the entire time she is pregnant.
During the waiting period (whether the
woman is pregnant or not) the man is
obligated to provide food, clothing and
shelter to the woman as he did before
the divorce pronouncement. If the couple
carries the divorce through to the birth
of the child and the woman suckles the
baby, the man is obligated to feed and
clothe both his ex-wife for the time the
woman suckles (the maximum being two
years). After this weaning, the child
will be provided for by the father until
he/she is no longer in need of support.
It
is quite ironic that in such an “advanced
society” as America, there are divorce
cases in which women are being forced to
pay alimony to their ex-husbands. Can
this and many other things we know about
the American system of divorce compare
to the Islamic system of divorce?
Priority
for the custody of young children (up to
the age of about seven) is given to the
mother. A child later may choose the
mother or father as his or her
custodian. Custody questions are to be
settled in a manner that balances the
interests of both parents and the
well-being of the child.
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