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THE
REASONS BEHIND THE SEVERAL MARRIAGES OF THE PROPHET MUHAMMAD
Some
critics of Islam, either because they are not aware of the
facts about the marriages of the Prophet Muhammad, upon him
be peace, or because they are not honest and objective about
those facts, have reviled the Prophet as a self-indulgent
libertine. They have accused him of character failings which
are hardly compatible with being of average virtue, let
alone with being a Prophet and God’s last Messenger and the
best model for all mankind to follow. However, if the facts
are simply recounted-and they are easily available from scores
of biographies and well-authenticated accounts of his sayings
and actions-it becomes clear that the Prophet lived the most
strictly disciplined life, that his marriages were a part of
that discipline, a part of the many, many burdens that he bore
as God’s Last Messenger.
The
reasons behind the Prophet’s several marriages are various,
but even in the privateness of some of those reasons, they
all had to do with his role as the leader of the new Muslim
ummah, guiding his people towards the norms and values of
Islam. In the following pages we shall try to explain some of
those reasons and, in so doing, demonstrate that the
charges leveled against the Prophet on this count are as vile
and indecent as they are utterly false.
The
Prophet, not at that time called to his future mission,
first married at the age of twenty-five. Given the cultural
environment in which he lived, not to mention the climate and
other considerations such as his youth, it is remarkable that
he should have enjoyed a reputation for perfect chastity as
well as integrity and trustworthiness generally. As soon as
he was called to the Prophethood he acquired enemies who did
not hesitate to publicize false calumnies against him - but
not once did any of them (and in their jahiliya
(ignorance) they were not scrupulous men) dare to invent
against him what no one could have believed. It is important
to realize that his life was founded upon chastity and
self-discipline from the outset, and so remained.
At the
age of twenty-five, then, and in the prime of life, Muhammad,
upon him be peace and blessings, married Khadija, a woman much
his senior in years. This marriage was very high and
exceptional in the eyes of the Prophet and God. For
twenty-three years, his life with Khadija was a period of
uninterrupted contentment in perfect fidelity. In the eighth
year of Prophethood, however, Khadija passed away and the
Prophet was once again single, as he had been until the age of
twenty-five, though now with children. His enemies cannot
deny, but are forced to admit that, during all these long
years, they cannot find a single flaw in his moral character.
During the lifetime of Khadija, the Prophet took no other
wife, although public opinion among his people would have
allowed him to do so had he wished to. After Khadija’s
death, he lived a single life for four or five years. All his
other marriages began after he reached the age of fifty-five,
an age by which very little real interest and desire for
marriage remains. The allegation that his marriages after this
age were an expression of licentiousness or self-indulgence,
is as groundless as it is foul.
A
question people often ask is: How can the plurality of his
marriages be in accord with his role as the Prophet? There are
three points to be made in answering this question, but first
let us recognize that those who continually raise such
questions are either atheists (who themselves have no
religion) or are ‘people of the Book’ i.e. Christians or
Jews. Both these classes of critics are equally ignorant of
Islam and religion, or willfully confuse right with wrong in
order to deceive others and spread doubt and mischief.
Those
who neither believe in nor practice any religious way of life
have no right to reproach those who do. They have relations
and unions with many women without following any rule or law
or ethic. However they may pretend otherwise, what they do
is unrestrained self-indulgence with, in practice, little
regard for the consequences of their life-style upon the
happiness and well-being of even their own children, let alone
of the young in general. In certain circles who advertise
themselves as the most ‘free’, sexual relations which most
societies condemn as incestuous are regarded as permissible;
homosexuality is as ‘normal’ for them as any other kind
of relationship; some even practice polyandry - that is, one
woman having at the same time many ‘husbands’ - the agony
of any children from such unions who may never be sure of who
their father is, we leave to the reader’s imagination. The
only motive that people who live in this way can have for
criticizing the Prophet’s marriages is the foolish hope that
they can drag Muslims down with them into the mess of moral
confusion and viciousness in which they themselves are
trapped.
Jews
and Christians who attack the Prophet for the plurality of
his marriages can only be motivated by their fear and jealous
hatred of Islam. They plainly forget that the great patriarchs
of the Hebrew race, named as Prophets in the Bible as well as
the Qur’an, and revered by the followers of all three
faiths as exemplars of moral excellence, all practiced
polygamy - and indeed on a far greater scale than the Prophet
Muhammad, upon him be peace.
Polygamy
was not originated by the Muslims. Furthermore, in the case
of the Prophet of Islam, as we shall see, polygamy (or, more
strictly, polygyny) has, from the viewpoint of its function
within the mission of Prophethood, far more significance than
people generally realize.
In a
sense, the plurality of wives was a necessity for the Prophet
through whose practice (or Sunna) the statutes and norms of
Muslim law were to be established. Religion may not be
excluded from the private relations between spouses, from
matters that can only be known by one’s partner. Therefore,
there must be guidance from women who can give clear
instruction and advice without using an allusive language of
hints and innuendoes which leaves the meaning obscure and
incomprehensible. The chaste and virtuous women of the
Prophet’s household were the teachers responsible for
conveying and communicating to the people the norms and rules
that concern the conduct of Muslims in their private lives.
Some of
the marriages of the Prophet Muhammad, upon him be peace, were
contracted for specific reasons to do with his wives:
·
Since there were young, middle-aged and old women
amongst them, the requirements and norms of Islamic law
could be exemplified in relation to their different life
stages and experiences. These provisions of the law were
first learnt and applied within the Prophet’s
household and then passed on to other Muslims through
the teaching of his wives.
·
Since each of his wives was from a different clan or
tribe, the Prophet established bonds of kinship and
affinity throughout the Umma. This enabled a profound
attachment to him to spread amongst the diverse peoples
of the new Umma, creating and securing equality and
brotherhood amongst them in a most practical way and on
the basis of religion.
·
Each of his wives, from their different tribes, both
whilst the Prophet was living and after he passed away,
proved of great benefit and service to the cause of
Islam. They conveyed his message and interpreted it to
their clans; the outer and inward experience, the
qualities, the manners and faith of the man whose life,
in all its details, public and intimate, was the
embodiment of the Qur’an - Islam in practice. In this
way, all the members of their clan, men and women,
learnt about the Qur’an, Hadith, tafsir
(interpretation and commentary on the Qur’an), and fiqh
(understanding of the Islamic law), and so became
fully aware of the essence and spirit of the Islamic
religion.
·
Through his marriages, the Prophet Muhammad, upon him be
peace, established ties of kinship throughout the
Arabian peninsula. What this meant was that he was free
to move and be accepted as a member in each family,
each of whose members regarded him as one of their
own. For that reason each felt that they could go to him
in person to learn about the affairs of this life and of
the life hereafter, directly from him. Equally, the
tribes benefited collectively also from this proximity
to the Prophet; they esteemed themselves to be fortunate
and took pride in that relationship, such as the
Umayyads through Umm Habiba, the Hashimites through
Zaynab bint Jahsh, and the Banu Makhzum through Umm
Salama.
What we
have said so far is general and could, in some respects, be
true of all the Prophets. However, now we will discuss the
life sketches of Ummahat al-Mu’minin - the mothers of the
believers - not in the order of the marriages but in a
different perspective.
Khadija,
may God be pleased with her, was the first among the Prophet’s
wives. At the time of her marriage, she was forty years old
and Muhammad, upon him be peace, was twenty-five. She was the
mother of all his children except a son, Ibrahim, who did
not live long. As well as being a wife, Khadija was also a
friend to her husband, the sharer of his inclinations and
ideals to a remarkable degree. Their marriage was
wonderfully blessed; they lived together in profound harmony
for twenty-three years. Through every contumely and outrage
heaped upon him by the idolaters, through every persecution,
Khadija was his dearest companion and helper. He loved her
very deeply and did not marry any other woman during her
lifetime. This marriage is the ideal of intimacy, friendship,
mutual respect, support and consolation, for all marriages.
Though faithful and loyal to all his wives, he never forgot
Khadija after her death and mentioned her virtues and merits
extensively on many occasions. The Prophet did not marry for
another four to five years after Khadija’s death. Providing
their daily food and provisions, bearing their troubles and
hardships, Muhammad, upon him be peace, looked after his
children and performed the duties of mother as well as
father. To allege of such a man that he was a sensualist or
suffered from lust for women, is as disgraceful and as
stupid a lie as can be imagined. For if there were even the
least grain of truth in it, he could not have lived as we know
that he did.
‘A’isha,
may God be pleased with her, was his second wife, though not
in the order of marriages. She was the daughter of his closest
friend and devoted follower, Abu Bakr. Abu Bakr, one of the
earliest converts to Islam had long hoped to cement the deep
attachment that existed between himself and the Prophet, by
giving to him his daughter in marriage. By marrying ‘A’isha
the Prophet accorded the highest honor and courtesy to a man
who had shared all the good and bad times with him
throughout his mission.
‘A’isha,
who proved to be a remarkably intelligent and wise woman,
had both the nature and temperament to carry forward the
work of Prophetic mission. Her marriage was the schooling
through which she was prepared as a spiritual guide and
teacher to the whole of the female world. She became one of
the major students and disciples of the Prophet and through
him, like so many of the Muslims of that blessed time, her
skills and talents were matured and perfected, so that she
joined him in the abode of bliss both as wife and as
student. Her life and her services to Islam after her
marriage prove that such an exceptional person was worthy
to be the wife of the Prophet. For, when the time came, she
proved herself one of the greatest authorities on Hadith, an
excellent commentator on the Qur’an and a most distinguished
and knowledgeable expert (faqih) in Islamic law. She
truly represented the inward and outward qualities and
experiences (zahir and batin) of the Prophet
Muhammad, upon him be peace, through her unique understanding.
Umm
Salama,
may God be pleased with her, was from the clan of Makhzum. She
was first married to her cousin. The couple had embraced Islam
at the very beginning and emigrated to Abyssinia, to avoid the
persecutions of the Quraysh. After returning from Abyssinia,
the couple and their four children migrated to Madina. Her
husband participated in many battles and received severe
wounds at the battle of Uhud from which he later died. Abu
Bakr and ‘Umar proposed marriage to Umm Salama, aware of her
needs and suffering as a widow with children to support and
no means of doing so. She refused because, according to her
judgment, no one could be better than her late husband.
Some
time after that, the Prophet himself offered to marry her.
This was quite right and natural. For this great woman, who
had never shied from sacrifice and suffering for her faith in
Islam, was now alone after having lived many years in the
noblest clan of Arabia. She could not be neglected and left to
beg her way in life. Considering her piety, sincerity and all
that she had suffered, she certainly deserved to be helped.
By taking her into his household, the Prophet was doing what
he had been doing since his youth, namely befriending those
who were lacking in friends, supporting those who were
unsupported, protecting those who were unprotected.
Umm
Salama was intelligent and quick in comprehension just as
‘A’isha was. She had all the capacities and gifts to
become a spiritual guide and teacher. When the gracious and
compassionate Prophet took her under his protection, a new
student to whom all the female world would be grateful, was
accepted into the school of knowledge and guidance. Let us
recall that, at this time, the Prophet was approaching the age
of sixty. For him to have married a widow with many children,
to have accepted the expenses and responsibilities that
entailed, cannot be understood otherwise than in humble
admiration for the infinite reserves of his humanity and
compassion.
Umm
Habiba, may God
be pleased with her, was the daughter of Abu Sufyan who, for a
long time had been the most determined enemy of the Prophet’s
mission, and the most determined supporter of kufr
(unbelief). Yet his daughter was one of the earliest converts
to Islam. She emigrated to Abyssinia because of persecution by
the unbelievers. Whilst there, her husband died and she was
all alone, and desperate, in exile.
The
Companions of the Prophet were then few in number and had
little in the way of material wealth to support themselves,
let alone to support others. What then were the practical
options open to Umm Habiba? She might convert to Christianity
in Abyssinia and so obtain support from the Christians, but
that was unthinkable. She might return to her father’s home,
now a headquarters of the war against Islam, but that too was
unthinkable. She might wander from household to household as a
beggar, but again it was an unthinkable option for one who
belonged to one of the richest and noblest Arab families to
bring shame upon her family name by doing so.
God
recompensed Umm Habiba for all that she lost or sacrificed in
the way of Islam. She had suffered a lonely exile in an
insecure environment among people of a race and religion
different from her own; she was made wretched too by her
husband’s death. The Prophet, on learning of her plight,
responded by sending an offer of marriage through the king
Negus. This was an action both noble and generous, and a
practical proof of the verse: We have not sent you save as
a mercy for all creatures (al-Anbiya’, 21.107).
Through
this marriage, the powerful family of Abu Sufyan came to be
linked with the person and household of the Prophet, something
that led them to adopt a different attitude to Islam. It is
also correct to trace the influence of this marriage, beyond
the family of Abu Sufyan, on all the Umayyads, who ruled the
Muslims for almost a hundred years. The clan whose members had
been the most fanatical in their hatred of Islam produced some
of Islam’s most renowned warriors, administrators and
governors in the early period. Without doubt it was the
marriage to Umm Habiba that began this change: the Prophet’s
depth of generosity and magnanimity of soul surely overwhelmed
them.
Zaynab
bint Jahsh,
may God be pleased with her, was also a lady of noble birth,
descended and a close relative of the Prophet. She was,
moreover, a woman of great piety, who fasted much, kept long
vigils, and gave generously to the poor. When the Prophet
asked for the hand of Zaynab for Zayd, Zaynab’s family and
Zaynab herself were at first unwilling. The family had hoped
to marry their daughter to the Prophet. Naturally, when they
realized that it was the Prophet’s wish that Zaynab should
marry Zayd, they all consented out of deference to their love
for the Prophet and his authority. In this way, the marriage
took place.
Zayd
had been taken captive as a child in the course of tribal wars
and sold as a slave. The noble Khadija whose slave he was,
presented him to Muhammad, upon him be peace, on the
occasion of her marriage to the future Prophet. The Prophet
immediately gave Zayd his freedom and shortly afterwards
adopted him as his son. The reason for his insistence on Zayd’s
marriage to Zaynab was to establish and fortify equality
between the Muslims, to make this ideal a reality. His desire
was to break down the ancient Arab prejudice against a slave
or even freedman marrying a ‘free-born’ woman. The Prophet
was therefore starting this hard task with his own relatives.
The
marriage did not bring happiness to either Zaynab or Zayd.
Zaynab, the lady of noble birth, was a good Muslim of a most
pious and exceptional quality. Zayd, the freedman, was among
the first to embrace Islam, and he too was a good Muslim. Both
loved and obeyed the Prophet, but their marriage was
unsustainable because of their mutual incompatibility. Zayd
found it no longer tolerable and on several occasions
expressed the wish to divorce. The Prophet, however, insisted
that he should persevere with patience and that he should not
separate from Zaynab. Then, on an occasion while the Prophet
was in conversation, the Angel Gabriel came and a Divine
Revelation was given to him (Bukhari, Tawhid, 22). The Prophet’s
marriage to Zaynab was announced in the revealed verses as a
bond already contracted: We have married her to you (al-Ahzab,
33.37). This command was one of the severest trials the
Prophet had yet had to face. For he was commanded to do a
thing contrary to the traditions of his people, indeed it was
a taboo. Yet it had to be done for the sake of God, just as
God commanded. ‘A’isha later said: Had the Messenger of
God been inclined to suppress anything of what was revealed to
him, he would surely have suppressed this verse (Bukhari and
Muslim).
Zaynab
proved herself most worthy to be the Prophet’s wife; she was
always aware of the responsibilities as well as the
courtesies proper to her role, and fulfilled those
responsibilities to universal admiration.
In the jahiliya,
an adopted son was regarded as a natural son, and an adopted
son’s wife was therefore regarded as a natural son’s wife
would be. According to the Qur’anic verse, those who have
been ‘wives of your sons proceeding from your loins’ fall
within the prohibited degrees of marriage. But this
prohibition does not relate to adopted sons with whom there is
no real consanguinity. What now seems obvious was not so then.
The pagan taboo against marrying the former wives of adopted
sons was deeply rooted. It was to uproot this custom that the
Prophet’s marriage to Zaynab was commanded by the
Revelation.
Juwayriya
bint Harith,
may God be pleased with her, was one of a large number of
captives taken by Muslims in a military expedition. She was
the daughter of Harith, chief of the defeated Banu Mustaliq
clan. She was held captive, like other members of her proud
family, alongside the ‘common’ people of her clan. When
Juwayriya was taken to the Prophet, upon him be peace, she was
in considerable distress, not least because her kinsmen had
lost everything and her emotions were a profound hate and
enmity toward the Muslims. The Prophet understood the
wounded pride and dignity and the suffering of this woman;
more than that he understood also, in his sublime wisdom, how
to resolve the problem and heal that wounded pride. He
agreed to pay her ransom, set her free and offered to take her
as his wife. How gladly Juwayriya accepted this offer can
easily be imagined.
About a
hundred families, who had not yet been ransomed, were all
set free when the Ansar (the Helpers) and the Muhajirun
(the Emigrants) came to realize that the Bani Mustaliq were
now among the Prophet’s kin by marriage. A tribe so honored
could not be allowed to remain in slavery (Ibn Hanbal, Musnad,
6,277). In this way the hearts of Juwayriya and all her people
were won.
Safiyya,
may God be pleased with her, was the daughter of Huyayy, one
of the chieftains of the Jewish tribe of Khaybar, who had
persuaded the Bani Qurayza to break their treaty with the
Prophet. From her earliest years she saw her family and
relatives determined in opposition to the Prophet, upon him
be peace and blessings. She had lost her father, brother and
husband at the hands of Muslims, and herself became one of
their captives. The attitudes and actions of her family and
relatives might have nurtured in her a deep indignation
against the Muslims and a desire for revenge. But three days
before the Prophet, upon him be peace, arrived at Khaybar, and
Safiyya fell captive in the battle, she had seen in a dream a
brilliant moon coming out from Madina, moving towards
Khaybar, and falling into her lap. She later said: ‘When I
was captured I began to hope that my dream would come true.’
When she was brought before him as a captive, the Prophet
generously set her free and offered her the choice between
remaining a Jew and returning to her people or entering Islam
and becoming his wife. ‘I chose God and his Messenger’,
she said. Shortly after that, they were married.
Elevated
to the Prophet’s household she had the title of ‘mother of
the believers’. The Companions of the Prophet honored and
respected her as ‘mother’; she witnessed at first hand the
refinement and true courtesy of the men and women whose hearts
and minds were submitted to God. Her attitude to her past
experiences changed altogether, and she came to appreciate the
great honor of being the Prophet’s wife. As a result of this
marriage, the attitude of many Jews changed as they came to
see and know the Prophet closely.
Sawda
bint Zam‘a,
may God be pleased with her, was the widow of one Sakran.
Sakran and Sawdah were among the first to embrace Islam and
had been forced to emigrate to Abyssinia to escape the
persecution of the idolaters. Sakran died in exile and left
his wife utterly destitute. As the only means of assisting the
poor woman, the Prophet Muhammad, upon him be peace, though
himself distressed for the means of daily subsistence,
married Sawda. This marriage took place some time after the
death of the noble Khadija.
Hafsa,
may God be pleased with her, was the daughter of ‘Umar ibn
al-Khattab, the future second Caliph of Islam. This good lady
had lost her husband who emigrated to both Abyssinia and
Madina and who died of wounds received in battle in the path
of God. She remained without a husband for a while. ‘Umar
also desired, like Abu Bakr, the honour and blessing of being
close to the Prophet in this world and in the Hereafter, so
that the Prophet, upon him be peace, took Hafsa as his wife so
as to protect and help the daughter of his faithful disciple.
Such
were the circumstances and noble motives of the several
marriages of the Prophet Muhammad, upon him be peace. We see
that these marriages were intended to provide helpless or
widowed women with dignified subsistence in the absence of
all other means; to console and honor enraged or estranged
tribespeople, to bring those who had been enemies into some
degree of relationship and harmony; to gain for the cause of
Islam certain uniquely gifted individuals, in particular some
exceptionally talented women; to establish new norms of
relationship between different people within the unifying
brotherhood of faith in God; and to honor with family bonds
the men who were to be the first leaders of the Muslim umma
after him. These marriages had nothing at all to do with
self-indulgence or personal desire or lust or any other of the
absurd and vile charges laid against the Prophet by Islam’s
embittered enemies. With the exception of ‘A’isha, all of
the Prophet’s wives were widows, and all his marriages
(after that with the noble Khadija) were contracted when he
was already an old man. Far from being acts of self-indulgence
then, these marriages were acts of self-discipline.
The
number of the wives the Prophet had was a special dispensation
within the law of Islam and unique to his person. However,
when the Revelation restricting polygamy came, the Prophet’s
marriages had already been contracted. Thereafter, the Prophet
was also prohibited to marry again.
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